Men and Women: Who Makes a Better Protagonist?

There's been much discussion across the internet recently about male privilege in video games. Men don't have to worry about discrimination based on their sex, they're never sexually harassed online by the opposite gender because of the way their voice sounds and the validity of their "gaming cred" is never on the line because of the chromosomes that make them who they are. One huge negative to this male-oriented world is the overabundance of male protagonists that fill the role of main "good guy," the person the spotlight is almost always on and, more importantly, the character that players will spend a vast majority of their time controlling.

Just off the top of my head I could say Kratos, Jak and Daxter, Cloud, Mario, Marcus Phoenix, Dante, Mega Man, Wander etc. etc. etc. without so much as the blink of an eye. And in many of those situations there is a woman that needs rescuing or protected. It would take me quite a while to come up with that many female leads. I mean, seriously a long time.

The few that come to mind immediately are Bayonetta, Zero from Drakengard 3, Lara Croft and Samus, which I think more than a few of us all mistook for being a guy until one of our friends said "Actually, that's a chick kicking all that alien ass, man!" It's a sad truth, but many of gaming's greatest heroes have a penis. But this article isn't about the under representation of women in gaming- it's about who makes the better character. Who draws us in the most and grabs our attention? Who best gets our blood pumpin' and our tears flowin' and gets us ready to fight that final boss and watch a sad tale, long journey or hard-fought battle come to a joyous close?

While I can't answer that question for any of you, I can without a doubt say that a strong male character will always pique my interest the most. Surprise, surprise, trust me, I know. But that's just what I like, and quite frankly, it's what I've almost solely been exposed to for the majority of my life- playing games or not. At a young age I fell in love with Secret of Mana and the story of a boy from Potos village who had to kill his pet dragon to save the world, a task that also erased one of his best friends from existence.

Move down my gaming timeline several years and I come into contact with two games that I still consider to be some my most influential interactive experiences: Kingdom Hearts and Shadow of the Colossus. The former has a young boy(about my age at the time) named Sora fighting to rescue two childhood friends from the grips of the darkness, a force that looks to consume all that is good. Throw in a handful of Disney and Final Fantasy characters, an upbeat and incredibly atmospheric soundtrack and the age old story of good vs. evil with elements of bravery and the importance of friendship, and 12-year-old me couldn't ask for a better game. It's a childish title with cliche after cliche, I knew that even back then, but it keeps my eyes glued to the screen for hours at a time with overdramatic proclamations and over-the-top combat to back it up.

Three years later, Shadow of the Colossus came to take all of those lessons on heroism and good guy overcoming the bad guy and turned them upside down. The game's protagonist, Wander, is a mysterious warrior we know nothing about other than his quest to save a deceased woman he brings to a forbidden land. In order to resurrect this person, he must defeat 16 colossi that guard part of the land. After each victory, Wander becomes more battle worn and dark, eventually succumbing to what appears to be a demonic possession. Throughout the game the lines blur between right and wrong and the focus shifts more toward what a person will do to bring back the ones they love- basically, this game is melancholy incarnate. It was one of the most subtly breathtaking games I've ever played, and still has me apathetically holding my breath for The Last Guardian.

As a writer, man, human being, art enthusiast and , most importantly, gamer, I love these titles for so many reasons I could never hope to express with a few paragraphs. These stories, among many others, did their best to engage me with gameplay, emotion, art style and soundtrack, but one part of these games I will never forget are the characters used to enrich all of these aspects. From smaller traits such as eye color, fashion sense and hairstyle to more substantial features such as background, morals and personality, I wouldn't want these characters to be altered in any way- and that includes gender.

It might be that I grew up in a time where lead female characters barely existed or it could be that I feel more attached to someone because we share a common trait as seemingly trivial as what we have between our legs, but when it comes to protagonists, I prefer men to women. It might be a stupid, uninformed and largely ignorant opinion, but it's mine and nobody can take that away from me. One thing, however, is for sure: As ignorant as I might be for having that opinion, I would be a thousand times more so if I didn't understand that there are millions of women out there who want and appreciate the same thing I do- a protagonist they can relate to through gender, as well as personality, morals and whatever else a person thinks creates a truly memorable character.

The games I listed above truly shaped who I am as a gaming enthusiast, and I have come to expect the same level of storytelling, sound design and gameplay from anything I pick up. Every gamer has these same building blocks in their past. Games that we will forever remember and hold close to our hearts. Games that will dictate how we look at every other title that comes into our hands. Like so many other parts of life, the first things we do in anything will continue to echo with us every step of the way.

But what does that have to do with determining which gender makes a better protagonist? Quite frankly... everything. For me, I wouldn't change a single detail about those games. Those original experiences created an outline for my gaming expectations that will last the rest of my life. As a young kid, I didn't really have much of a choice. Everything that looked fun to me happened to have a male protagonist. But, again, that's because almost EVERYTHING had a dude at center stage. For that, all I can say is THANK GOD I'm a white male(a saying I've found will almost certainly never lose it's validity).

[You know what? Come to think of it, this article might be about women's under representation in gaming after all. Who could have seen that coming?]

But what about all the girls and women out there now who want the same things as me? What about the females who want to play as females?

Well, as it turns out, while there may be a decent number of games to support female avatars, games like Zelda, Halo and Ratchet and Clank(where the character is much more personal than just an avatar) the pickings are quite slim indeed. Keep in mind, I'm talking MAIN CHARACTERS, while there are many great supporting females in gaming, the amount of title characters is sorely lacking. Here's the list of many of the biggest female characters in gaming:

Samus Aran, Lightning(FFXIII series), Aya Brea(Parasite Eve), Jade(Beyond Good & Evil), Regina(Dino Crisis), Sheva(RE5), Bayonetta, Zero(Drakengard 3), Faith Connors(Mirror's Edge), Nilin (Remember Me), Lara Croft, April Ryan(The Longest Journey), Chell(Portal series), Terra(FF6), Miku Hinasaki(Fatal Frame), Ms. Pac Man, Red(Transistor), Aqua(KH: Birth By Sleep) and some might argue Ellie from the Last of Us.

There's 19 names right there. Although it's not EVERY SINGLE female protagonist, that's a huge portion of them. Spanning all of gaming- I was able to come up with 19 names. Compare that to male protagonists and, well... there is no comparison. Now, understanding this, think about the fact that in a 2014 study by The Guardian, 52% of gamers are female. Sure, that includes mobile games that often times don't feature main characters, but with numbers like that, surely  30-40% of women must be playing the titles that offer protagonists. Even if just 10% of the 52% were playing story-driven games, let's face it, 10% of main characters are not female. It's sad but it's true.

Now, I know there's going to be people out there who say "Who cares about the character? As long as the gameplay is on point what else is there?" or "Most games with female protagonists don't sell as well so developers stray away from them." or "Game development is a male-dominated field and the games only reflect that because it's easier to tell a story about a guy if you are a guy.". Honestly, the arguments go on. We're in the middle of a very heated time in gaming's history and there's plenty of viewpoints to be heard and opinions to be explored.

But amid all the outcry and accusations I come to you to simply say people care a great deal about the characters in the games they play.

I'm not here to talk about how women should dress in video games(fashion has never and will never be my strong suit), I'm not here to say we need more women working on video games and I'm not here to talk about the obscene injustice that befalls not only women, but everybody during online gaming interactions(there's a lot of potty mouths with low self esteem, weak moral guidance and a penchant for acting tough out there. Shocker, the internet is a horrible place that brings out the most vile in people.)

I'm just here to say that I still remember the first time I beat Kingdom Hearts and saw Sora make an incredibly cheesy, yet powerful promise to one of his best friends ever. I still remember watching Wander's horse, and only link to the living world, Agro, fall from a cliff in Shadow of the Colossus. The sad look on his face as he walked away to face the last colossus. A rare moment of emotion from the rather stoic warrior. And I remember watching my brother finish Secret of Mana and restoring peace to a land plagued by evil- a memory I had from a time when I could barely hold a controller.

These are characters I will surely remember as long as my brain is able to store information. They have made me smile, laugh, rage, wonder, crave, and rejoice. Such strong feelings have come from something as simple as a few properly placed pixels and that's silly, but that's who I am, who I've come to be and what I've been exposed to. I couldn't have asked for anything more.

The only thing I do ask is that women be afforded the same chance to have those deep experiences with female characters. Nowhere does it say that females must play as females to get the full experience- absolutely not! But it would be nice if they could at least say they had more of an equal opportunity. I mean, even though I prefer male characters maybe I could benefit more now from a few more strong female leads. Tomb Raider and Metroid Prime are some of my favorite games of all time, so why should I stop there?

Hell, why should anybody stop there? Why should developers stop there? We need more African, Native American, Asian, Mexican etc, etc. protagonists. Not just for all of the races represented there but for everyone. A little diversity could go a long way in this industry. I mean, it's a little strange that almost everybody worth making video games about are white males, and again THANK GOD I'm a white male, but variety is the spice of life and, for me an many others, gaming is a lifestyle. Let's do something about that.

Now, full circle here. To answer my original question about "who makes a better protagonist", I would again say males make for a better protagonist. But my question to you is: What do you expect me to say? I don't know much of anything else, do I?

2014 Game of the Year: CAN. YOU. DIG IT? Edition

It's difficult for me to think about what should be GOTY when there's so many hugely immersive and wonderful experiences I didn't get a chance to partake in this year. Right off the bat, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Titanfall, anything from Telltale Games and FarCry 4 are a few examples of games I've heard resounding praise from but haven't had the pleasure of experiencing. It's a sad truth, but playing everything is almost an impossible feat to accomplish. No matter how much I wish I could.

With that being said, though, I was still able to pick up a vast number of titles that blew me away. I said it once and I'll say it again, between the 3DS and Wii U, Nintendo really stepped up their game in 2014. Franchise staples such as Mario Kart and Smash Bros. came around to save the day once again for the big N, but a few smaller titles featured on the system also brightened the library of a struggling Wii U and already hugely successful 3DS.

It's one of these smaller titles that stole my heart as well as my pick for 2014 GOTY.

Game of the Year: Shovel Knight

Although I didn't pick up Shovel Knight until mid October, the only experience I can really liken my time with this game to is summer love. It comes on hard, fast, hot, sweaty and makes you sad at the thought of it ending, but you just have to keep going back for more!

The characters are colorful, the fights are intense, the music is masterfully arranged(not to mention collectible) and the storyline is a mixture of goofy and uplifting that'll stick with you long after your first playthrough. There's really not much to complain about in this game either. The controls are tight, there's plenty to collect, multiple difficulty options with achievements to obtain and the length of the game is just right.

Take all of that into account and add on the fact that this is a picture perfect throwback to some of the best side-scrolling games to ever grace us with their existence. I'm talking Mario, Mega Man, Metroid, Yoshi's Island, Castlevania- that's right, this game is right up there in the big leagues with some of those gems we now call classics. Not only that, but you can play it at home or on the go with a choice between being a Wii U/PC download or a 3DS download. I played it on the 3DS and loved every second of it. I mean, this game made a strong impact on me in a way that had me picking it over the likes of Theathrhythm Final Fantasy Curtain Call and Super Smash Bros. for the 3DS- two games that I was very rarely ripped away from.

Plain and simple, I'm giving GOTY to this title because it's just a damn good game in almost every sense of the word. Sure, it didn't bring anything new and inventive to the table and it didn't blow me away with stellar graphics or advanced AI, but it did something just as awesome in my book. It took a formula and feel we've seen a million times before and it rocked the shit out of it. It's not easy to be a game in a genre with so many absolute classics, near to the soul of any gamer who grew up with an NES or Sega Genesis- constantly having to live up to the likes of Sonic, Mario and Mega Man. But Shovel Knight does it and good God it does it with a thumbs up, smile and wink that lets you know all is right in the world of gaming.

Plus, I mean, you get to be a knight who brandishes a shovel and hops on dragons' heads like he's on a pogo stick. If that doesn't interest you, you are a poor soul indeed, my friend.

Honorable Mention: Towerfall: Ascension

Okay, so at this point you're probably thinking "Oh look, another indie title. This tree-huggin' hipster's in love with anything made by a small company." To that, I say who you callin' tree hugger? But just hear me out on this one.

Towerfall Ascension is a fast-paced, frantically fun archery arena game that'll have you impaling, exploding and stomping on the heads of your best friends, laughing and trash-talking every step of the way. Controls are simple and has newcomers contending with veterans quickly while at the same time allows for skillful tricks to those with an innate sense for timing and quick reflexes. This creates for zany matches that will have you and up to three other players shooting each other for hours on end. The amount of match customization options adds to this and lets you create almost an endless amount of game scenarios each as engaging as the last.

On the other side, you can go solo or bring along a friend to play through the game's campaign. There you'll face green blobs, tornado-flicking bird men and floating gems that shoot homing lightning at you. Yup, I just said homing lightning. As if lightning wasn't scary enough by itself. The different difficulties and objective to beat every level on the hardest difficulty without dying will have you ripping out hair in clumps, but will also lead to some of the most amazing triumphs you've had in a long time. If you're a completionist and thirst for a good challenge, this is one game that you seriously can't miss.

Either way, this game is a blast and will most likely go down as one of the most entertaining multiplayer experiences in the last few years.

Everything Monster Hunter Fans Need to Know About MH4U

Although it’s been more than a year since the Japanese release of Monster Hunter 4(and a month since Ultimate’s release) many fans outside of the land of the rising sun might still be in the dark on the finer details the game has to offer.

From new monsters and weapons to unfamiliar locales and game mechanics, MH4U is shaping up to be one of the fullest Monster Hunter experiences Capcom has ever been able to muster up. That says a lot when you consider the average player can put in a couple hundred hours and not even scratch the surface of a typical MH title.

The following is a list of all the changes hunters should expect to see when they fire up the latest MH4U for the first time:

1.)No swimming!

Whether you’re like me and rejoice at the mere murmur of this news or you’re an avid swimmer in MHTri and MH3, the fact of the matter is that underwater battling and swimming is gone. This means that many of the franchises' aquatic monsters have been cut from the game. So long, Gobul- you won’t be missed!

2.) Jumping!

With a vertical like that, he should be playing for the Raptors- not fighting them!

With the departure of aquatic combat, Capcom created another gameplay option to fill it's place- Jumping can be done by sprinting off of elevated areas, much like in previous games. However, instead of using this technique as a means of quick travel,jumping can also be used in an offensive way. When a hunter jumps, they can attack at the peak of their trajectory; making it possible to not only slash at creatures while airborne, but to also mount the beast and deal extra damage, as well.

Hunters can also hop in all directions while climbing to make evasion a viable option while scaling walls as monsters will be more prone to attacking ascending players. Attacking while on the climb is also a new addition to the game and will afford yet another precious tool to the ever-expanding arsenal of Monster Hunters.

3.) The Big, Bad Monsters!

You'll never look at Kermit the same way again.

Without getting too specific and spoiling the surpise, there are quite a few new monsters coming to MH4U, as well as some returning veterans. Not only are there new monsters to look forward to, but a few new types of creatures to look also get excited about. If you've played any of the games, you already know that many of the monsters in the game look like dragons/wyverns. Four legs, scaly body, fierce eyes and a roar that will have you clutching your ears. In MH4 and MH4U, Capcom has given added variety with the inclusion of a frog, shark and snake monster just to name a few. These baddies will give experienced players a fresh face to look at while expanding the already diverse universe Capcom captivated the world with years ago on the PS2.

The only downside is the removal of some familiar faces. The Nargacuga, Lagiacrus and Barroth are just a few of the monsters that won't be returning in MH4U.

4.) New Weapons!

What'll the think of next?

Two weapons made their debut on MH4 and will give hunters a fresh take on slaying.

The insect glaive is for all of you who like to show off a bit and can be best described as having the reach of the long sword with a few extras tricks up its sleeve. First off, the device comes packaged with a cool little insect(or Kinsect as the game calls it) that can be ordered to sap power from specific parts of a monster. When the insect saps the monster three times the hunter will then be granted a buff similar to those associated with the hunting horn but on a simpler scale. Four colors of energy(white, red, orange and green) represent different buffs and the combination of each will result in various power-ups. This will allow a keen hunter any type of boost he/she is capable of achieving, thus creating multiple strategies within the same weapon. For example, if you have an armor set that calls for a very "in-your-face" approach, a defense buff might make the difference between dying in three hits or four- a huge difference in a game with such a huge learning curve. The cherry on top is the insect glaive's ability to propel a hunter in the air. This grants players using the weapon the ability to manually jump in the air- an option that has both offensive and defensive purposes. Plus, it just looks super cool and we all know that's the biggest upside of all.

Charge blade wielder will harness the power of two weapons as the charge blade is a hybrid of the sword and shield as well as the switch axe. This device runs on an energy system similar to the switch axe and charges by scoring hits with the weapons sword and shield mode. When it's at full power, the weapon can unleash a powerful finisher, reminiscent of the gunlance's wyvern fire. The sword and shield mode, like the weapon it's named after, will allow for constant but safe attacks that chain together in rapid succession. However, this safety comes at the cost of range and power as axe mode boasts better stats in both categories. This will leave skilled charge blade users precisely switching between the two forms when the situation allows and when the reward out weighs the risk. The weapon will pair up well with hammer users as the charge blade also has the ability to deal significant stun damage, which can momentarily knock out monsters and leave them susceptible to precision attacks. The charge blade will also come in two variations, explosive and elemental types. Explosive charge blades will deal more stun and overall damage while the elemental type more efficiently hits monsters with status effects like sleep, poison and paralysis.

5.) The Frenzy Virus!

Yup. The ominous looking black smoke on the ground is the virus.

Capcom is no stranger to adding in dangerous, life-changing viruses to their games(okay, so maybe just Resident Evil) and the new Monster Hunter is no exception. A new foe will hold the key to this insidious ailment and spreads the disease to both monsters and hunters alike. The only catch is that monsters have much more to gain from the ailment. When a beast with the sickness falls in battle they will be granted a second wind. Symptoms of the frenzy virus include dark coloration, being in a constant state of relentless rage and having the ability to pass on the virus to careless hunters. When affected by the virus, a hunter will take full damage from creatures and be unable to regain the red bar that comes from damage take. However, if an infected hunter manages to barrage the animal responsible before it has enough time to fully form(indicated by a bar under the hunter's name), they will be granted a 10% affinity boost, which will result in the hunter scoring critical strikes. While the virus doesn't play a role in every mission, the constant threat will give players of all skill levels an increased sense of excitement and heightened challenge.

6.) Revamped Free Hunt!

He's baaaaaaack...

Free hunts have been around for two generations and will have an enhanced purpose with the release of MH4U. Maps are  now randomized to create a unique experience every time the player ventures out of the village's safety. This addition marks the first time the series has allowed random map generation and veterans will be sure to take note as farming materials in the same map layouts made hunting feel like an endless cycle of uniformity. Monsters in this mode will also have a chance of dropping guild quests that can result in unique equipment. This equipment can also be found within free hunts and has randomized properties such as increased gem slots, passive abilities and higher attack power. This will make free hunting a new adventure each time with varying results. By the sounds of it, the gear obtained here will keep hunters searching for the perfect piece much the same as charm hunting did in previous titles.

7.) Exclusivity!

Last, but not least, MH4U is currently only slated for a release on the 3DS. While this does limit players who don't own a Wii U, it will not interfere with online hunting as MH4U will give gamers the ability to team up via wifi. Of course, local hunting will still be an option for those of you out there who meet up with friends to spend countless hours bashing baddies and attaining the highest hunter rank.

8.) Cats are Back!

Smash Bros. eat your heart out!

MH4U will be bringing back our furry friends the felynes and in a big way as the cats can now drive around in tanks! Cats will still be able to wear armor and use weapons, but will also come equipped with cute, new costumes and, again, will be able to do battle with monsters in freaking tanks! The vehicles will be used to deal increased damage to monsters and come in a variety of shapes and sizes. This means that the whimsical tribal duo Cha-Cha and Kayamba will be no more. Let's face it though... everything's better with cats!

Well, I'm sold.

Unfortunately, you'll have to wait until 2015 to watch your cannon-firing kitties as MH4U is set to release in Europe and North America early 2015. Until then, happy hunting!

"Show Me Your Moves!" : An Idiots Guide to Taunting

To get "gud" at a fighting game takes hours upon hours of hard work, dedication, patience, study and above all else, miniature custom-made ice packs for your not-yet calloused thumbs. After all, in order to brawl with the best, competitive players are expected to learn frame-perfect combos, pixel-precise spacing techniques, character-specific damage set ups and how the fighter they're using matches up against the rest of the roster(which ranges from ultra spammy projectile practitioners to uber agressive rushdown fighters). It is a tough road indeed to become the top dog of a fighting game, but no technique or playstyle is more difficult to master than the subtle art of taunting.

Not only does this sacred form of humiliation enrage opponents and allow passage to a fighter's most precious weapon; the mind, but it also builds hype for the underdog, gets the crowd going and forces a game's imminent conclusion- the aftershocks of which creating rivalries that will last a lifetime.

Now, I know what you're asking yourself. "Austin, how can I get into this glamorous lifestyle and taunt my way to victory after effortless victory?!" Well, random internet fan, it's simple. Much like forms of martial arts, there are many forms of taunters that inhabit the world. Each and every one uses a smile, finger wag or muscle flex to make a statement and gain the upper hand in battle. The only question I have for you is: how,specifically, would you like to demean your opponent?

Take a look at these glorious forms of instigation and choose your destiny.

WARNING: This guide could lead you down a path of hate, loneliness and overall trollery. These styles are not meant for the faint of heart or anybody who doesn't want to turn their console of choice into a constant hub for hate mail.

First we'll start off with a more laid back approach so we don't scare anybody off. However, don't let this seemingly subdued form fool you. A fighter with this taunting demeanor can be just as rage-inducing as the rest of them. I speak none other than:

The Apathetic Warrior

So you're down a few stocks in Smash Bros. or you've lost the first two matches in a best of three in Street Fighter. Who cares? Certainly not you! This carefree form often lulls opponents into a false sense of security, giving masters of this technique the perfect opportunity to strike when a guard is lowered. After all, who wants to falcon punch someone if they're just going to shrug at you after the fact? Popular characters for this form include: 

The Representatives:

• Pac-Man in SSB4 with his daydream taunt. I never took him for a dreamer, but he has come a long way since his glory days as a 2-dimensional yellow circle.
• King Dedede in Super Smash Bros. Brawl with his lie down animation. Although it isn't technically a taunt, it quickly turned into a fan favorite with the royal penguin.
• Cody in Street Fighter 4 with his yawn taunt and "You're making me sleepy." His fourth taunt has him lying on the ground saying "I'm ready for a nap" and a taunt where he sits on the ground and says "You're boring the crap outta me." 

This guy exudes "I don't give a damn."

Um, excuse me, there's a fight going on here. Oh, sorry. I forgot... you don't care.

The Prop Professional

There's a very niche audience for this sort of taunter, but chances are if you enjoyed show and tell as a kid, you're going to love these materialistic monsters. Why fight when you can show the world your favorite family heirloom? The thought behind this style is to make your opponent so envious of what you have that they focus more on how to get their own rather than just stealing it from you. Envy can be a devastating emotion. Fighters characterized by this style are:

• Captain Commando in Marvel vs. Capcom 2 with his cowboy outfit and acoustic guitar. When western manliness meets Eastern charm.
• Young Link in Super Smash Bros. Melee with his bottle of Lon Lon Milk. *gulp, gulp, gulp.. AH!*
• Guile in SF4 and Squirtle in Project M when they put on their shades.

You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses, would you?

The Insult to Injurist

Most taunts serve little offensive purpose besides getting under your opponents' skin, and almost all of them leave players wide open for a risk-free counter attack- a problematic dilemma some might say. That is until I introduce to you one of the most diabolical taunting techniques characterized by high risk, high reward fighters whose sole purpose is to live and lose by way of the cheeky remark. A group so obsessed with instigation that their taunts can even be used as deadly weapons. When some fighters see a taunt, they will immediately rush in for the kill. Seeing this might make them think twice. 

• Rogue from MvC 2 seems like all fun and games when she flirtatiously blows a kiss across screen, but stand close enough and this smooch will send you flying!
• Dudley from SF 3rd Strike and SF4 might just be the classiest gentlemen to ever throw a punch. However, don't let his curly Q moustache and calm demeanor fool you! When you see this upper class Brit toss a rose your way think twice before throwing yourself back at him. The foreboding flower might only take away a tiny sliver of your health, but the combo that follows will leave you with your tail between your legs and a new found fear of floral arrangements.

If boxing was about being classy... he'd win every time.

• Dan Hibiki may very well be a mid-fight insult embodied. This fighter has almost completely created a reputation off of butt wiggles and fighting stances of power ranger proportions. Not only does this fighter boost his special bar with his patented fist pump, but he also has a super move that takes the form of an elaborate comedy routine. This pink gi wearing, personable provocateur lives, eats, breathes and sweats salt-inducing satire. He is the true master of tomfoolery and will hurt anybody who ventures too close to his shifty shenanigans. 

And just like that-Akuma lost all of his street cred.

• While Luigi will always be second to Mario, his antics in Smash Bros. have landed him the number two spot right behind Dan as well. Although he doesn't get as much out of his taunts as Hibiki, he no doubt has him beat for the most deceptively destructive taunts ever known to mankind.

That modest kick is a far cry from the cold-blooded killer Luigi truly is. This green plumber belongs locked up with the likes of Jeffrey Dahmer, Charles Manson and the person that created Jersey Shore.

The Comeback Kid

From one of the most downright deceitful forms of taunting to one of the most righteous. If professional mockery was a superhero, this would be the Clark Kent of the group. The point behind "The Comeback Kid" is to rally yourself, and often times a crowd that is watching you. I mean, who doesn't like an underdog? It builds excitement, creates courage and strikes doubt into the cocky contender who may have bested you just moments ago. Some of the greatest match finales were prefaced with a defiant taunt. This technique truly is the choice of champions. If you're into that sort of thing.

• Mega Man in SSB4 calmly turns his back and shows a brief, uncharacteristic smile while he collects himself for the gripping battle ahead of him. 
• Ryu is filled with heroic one liners, but none more good guy cliche than when he meaningfully examines his closed fits and says "I walk the path of a true warrior." If Street Fighter ever becomes a daytime drama, the director will have plenty of lines to work with right out of the gate! Still, that's enough to get any players' blood pumpin'.
• In MvC 3, the god of thunder with golden locks, Thor, takes it a step further as he lectures his opponents on his might  and majesty. The quote goes as follows "Heed my words evildoers; if thou doth wish to challenge Odin's son, thou will face the divine power of mighty Mjolnir! Never shall the god of thunder relent!" 

 Yuck, what smells like daddy issues wrapped in a firm layer of superhero complex? Oh, it's just Thor.

The Sexy Soldier

You don't always taunt, but when you do, by God, you look goooood. It's going to be hard to beat you down when your opponent is contemplating how to put a ring on it. What more is there to a good fight? 

• Captain Falcon in Smash Bros. when he does anything. Especially when he does anything in his pink alternate costume. Never has man nipple been so hot since George Clooney in "Batman and Robin."
• Choi Bounge in King of Fighters with his hip thrust taunt, and yes, I had no clue who that was befoe I wrote this!
• Luigi with his "planking" taunt. I'm... I'm oddly attracted and not afraid to admit it.

Tenacious D would be proud.

• Ganondorf with his super, unstoppable old man power thrust.

There's pretty and then there's man pretty, but I didn't know there was old man pretty. *drools*

The Braggart

Historians have fought over the origins of this ancient style for years, but one thing's for sure: your big brother is a master. Sure there might not be anything especially unique about this founding form, but this style is a classic for a reason- it gets results. This technique is best used when you're already so far ahead in one game you're just mind fu2!&ng your opponent to ensure victory in the next battle. However, taunting of this nature is best used on people smaller and weaker. Sure, you might get a perfect on your friend in the game, but you don't want to end up with a perfect black eye in real life. A few fighters in this boasting bunch are:

• Hulk in MvC 3 does what he does best. Makes terrible grammar choices and calls attention to himself by saying "Hulk is strongest there is!" Awww, how cute! His first sentence.
• Marth's taunt in the Super Smash series. His Japanese taunt "Minna miteite kure!" roughly translates to "Everybody, look at me!" Take it easy, pretty boy.
• Thanos from Marvel vs. Capcom 2 when he turns his back to his opponent, lifts a hand into the air and exclaims "Thanos reigns!"
• When Johnny Cage wins a round in Mortal Kombat he points, smiles and smugly says"Damn, I'm good!" Again, it's not a controllable taunt, but a classic nonetheless.

Not too shocking considering it comes from a guy who wins fights like this... Who knocks peoples hats off? I mean, seriously!

The Last Laugher

Taking a page out of the book of Confucius, these taunters live under the motto "He who laughs last, laughs best." Although you might not get in the last hit, you sure as Hell aren't going down until you get that last laugh. After the round is said and done, your opponent will be too thunderstruck to know what to do next round. After all, how silly would they feel if they let you get the final chuckle again? Take this opportunity to turn the tables on a taunt-happy foe! This group of gigglers include:

• Doctor Doom let's out a self righteous snicker in MvC 2. What a bastard!
• Fellow MvC 2 fighter T. Bonne not only takes a Captain Morgan pose on the face of her mech to let out a boisterous laugh, but her servbot cheers her on while she does it!
• Quite possibly the most iconic giggle is that of Duck Hunt Dog. He's at it again in the newest Smash Bros. installment.

 At least we can finally beat him up for it!

The Forsaken Form of Unholy Trolling

Some scholars theorize this despicable technique will one day lead to mankind's demise. This demonic display of everything that is wrong with existence makes the seven deadly sins, pandora's box, the black plague and Godzilla 1999 combined look like a walk in a puppy park-complete with tiny cherub Eskimo kisses and rainbow sunshine. It is said that even practicing such an inhumane art leads to immediate neck beard growth and a penchant for cold, dark, damp basement dwelling. The sun becomes a mere figment of your imagination and self respect slips to the point of no return. To go down this path means to throw away all that is dear to one's self. Family, friends, fun and above all else... hygiene. This unmitigated mish-mash of hatred and agony belongs only to one character in any fighting game... that character is...

• Sonic the Hedgehog in SSBB and SSB4 with his sickening "you're too slow" taunt. No amount of therapy can make a person unhear those words. Childhood obliterated.

Sonic.exe can go from myth to full-blown fact now.

Sega... what have you done? Besides create the stuff of concentrated nightmares.

Despite a rather dark turn to this guide, there is a much glory to be had with taunts. Will you choose the flashy prop professional route or go with the more subdued apathetic warrior approach? Do you want to use these powers for good or evil? Do you even play fighting games? If not, hats off to you for sitting through, possibly, one of the most confusing moments of your time on the internet today. If so, you know how much time and effort goes into the finer details of honing skills in spacing, combos, patience and aggression. Master those tools and you are a skilled fighter. However, master the way of the taunt and you are a true combatant armed with the potential to instigate earth-shattering upsets or provoke mind games of megaton levels. Until then... everything else is just a game.

The unhelpful #7 in reviews

The number seven is kind of a big deal both inside and out of the gaming world. It's the number of sages in Ocarina of Time, the number of (arguably) the most popular Final Fantasy iteration, the number associated with James Bond and it's just all around considered by many to be a lucky number- so, yeah, a huge deal.

But I'm starting to think that this dastardly digit gets a little bit too much love. I adore Ocarina of Time, James Bond and FF VII as much as the next person who likes obviously awesome things, but let's take a step back and ask ourselves: how helpful is the number seven when we see it as a review score? EXACTLY! Whatever you said, I blindly agree because you must have said what I expected you to- and the answer for all of you out there scratching your heads is... well, it's not very telling at all when it comes to making a decision to purchase a game or not. As a matter of fact, I like to think of seven as the purgatory of review numbers. "Well, it's probably not as good as you'd like it to be... BUT IT'S NOT BAD! NO SIRRR!"

Now, I wouldn't be a proper video game reviewer if I didn't admit that, yes, the score holds very little weight in comparison to the actual words, thoughts and overall feelings that go into a review. Yes, believe it or not, all of those words before the number isn't just icing on the cake- it is the cake! *insert cake is a lie reference here and then get over Portal* I'd go so far as to say the number is the fork you eat the cake with, because if you like the cake enough, you're going to eat that sucker with your bare hands regardless. Unfortunately, (and I've been guilty of this before) sometimes readers don't want to take the time to read the whole article or any of it at all. They want the quick fix- the easy way out and there's nothing a few pesky paragraphs are going to do to stop them! After ferociously scrolling down and feverishly scanning an article's end, the number is forever implanted into the mind of the curious gamer. Forever having the innocence of preconceived notions taken from the brain. It can be quite an ugly sight indeed as we've seen in the case of Duke Nukem: Forever- keyboards flying into monitors and such.

But the only thing worse than seeing your most anticipated game get a bad score is to see it get a seven. I mean, what do you do with that, right? On one end, you have an eight. A fairly hopeful number that denotes a title with more than just a few redeemable qualities. A game that receives an eight is usually one that's worth buying if you were already interested. On the opposite end of the spectrum, we have the number six. A number that promises nothing to hyped-up gamers who expect everything. Basically, when a game gets a six it might be good enough to rent if you've really been looking forward to it(anything below is most likely a train wreck), but I feel like a six is a failing score in the minds of most.

To put these two scores that are separated by a mere number into perspective, I'll throw out a few titles that received Metacritic ratings in these ranges.

A few titles that received around a score of eight include:

• Sunsent Overdrive(82)
• Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate(83)
• Star Ocean: Till the End of Time(80)
• Donkey Kong: Tropical Freeze(83)

I'd like to think that most of these games are looked at in a positive light with Monster Hunter being an ultra-popular francise in Japan, Sunset Overdrive being an XBone exclusive that has received positive praise, Star Ocean being a fairly classic JRPG on a console filled with titles of the like and Tropical Freeze being considered by most to be a successful addition to the DK franchise. Again, these statements are opinionated, of course, and some people probably hate these titles, but here are the games that scored around a six.

• Sonic: Lost World(63)
• Pac-Man and the Ghostly Adventures(Wii U, 58)
• Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cerberus(57)
• Pure Chess(61)

That's right, a chess video game beat out a a game that had "Final Fantasy VII in the title." What has this world come to? Now, the scores only reflect the words that were written in the review, but this brings me to the number seven. If games from these two number groupings can be so different in quality and depth what does this say about the number smack dab in the middle of it all? That's right... nothing. Well, okay, it says more than nothing, but in the end it's not much more than "well... it wasn't a complete failure, but it definitely wasn't great. It doesn't let you down to the point of frustration and it doesn't keep you interested for a considerable amount of time. It just...is."

Again, I'd like to point out that the number is absolutely not the most important part of a review-not even close. But, as I've said earlier, not everyone takes the time of day to read what us reviewers have to say, taking away only a number as a sign of everything that's right or wrong with the title it sits so seemingly innocent beneath. The main point is to always read the review. But the super duper main point is not to take review scores so seriously. After all, what's a number when a rental is only a car ride and a few bucks away? The number seven might say next to nothing, but a rental will tell you everything you need to know.

Nintendo's fighting franchise ventures into portable pummeling

Ever since I played Street Fighter IV on the 3DS, I've felt a strong sense of unease when it comes to fighting games' presence on handhelds. To put a genre that is characterized by precise button pushes, knee-jerk reactions and a general bias toward competitive play on such a... fun-loving system, seems foreign to say the least. Not to mention the close quarters button layout and circle pad are hardly conducive to the quick and calculated movements required by such games. In this, Nintendo faced its biggest challenge with the newest Super Smash Bros.

I say biggest when really I should be saying only. You see, for all three of you who don't know what I'm talking about, Super Smash Bros. is a largely popular fighting game franchise that has a character roster made up of Nintendo's most recognizable icons. It's the Avengers of video games if you will and a title that has significantly grown since the N64 era. Its gameplay is simple enough and has players taking control of their favorite characters to knock their opponents off of a Nintendo-themed stage in a sort of king-of-the-hill style fighting game. Saying this game sells like hot cakes would be giving hot cakes way too much credit. So, next time you see a hot cake stand, say "Hey, those delicious hot cakes are selling faster than the newest Smash Bros."!

Regardless of that possibly over-exaggerated intro, "Super Smash Bros. for the 3DS" managed to take the difficult task of putting such a beloved franchise in the palms of our hands and successfully recreated the familiar experience most of us have come to cherish.

Fighting is still the ferociously goofy back and forth it has always been with more items, characters and stages than ever. Every now and then a finger slips and you might hit the wrong button or the circle pad might not be  as smooth as you'd like, but the general feel of the game isn't lost due to this. In fact, the controls hold up much better than what I had expected after hearing the game was coming to the successful handheld. Again, it's not the same experience as using a separate controller, but one you'll feel at home with after playing for an hour or two-and this is coming from someone who demands to play with a Gamecube controller.

It's like all the old men of gaming came here just to punch each other in the face!

If SSB for the 3DS could only be commended for one thing though, it would have to be the vast amounts of content put into such a small cartridge. Not only have familiar modes like multi-man smash and home run contest returned, but new ways to play have been brought to the table as well, the most notable of which is Smash Run. In Smash Run, players will choose a fighter and run around an enemy infested world for five minutes to collect the most powerups he or she can. These powerups boost anything from your attacks to even your jumping ability. The engaging part of this mode is the types of enemies you'll run into along the way. Bad guys from a slew of Nintendo's franchises will make appearances here and do their best to beat you down. At one point I was fighting a Goomba, Gastly from Pokemon and a Redead from Zelda. When the five minutes are up, you and three other contestants will compete in some way or another by way of foot race, battle or team battle from what I've seen. The winners pull in loot like trophies, gold and custom moves(which I'll explain later). Although Smash Run might not appeal to the most hardened smashers, it is one hell of a melting pot for everything Nintendo. I mean, if Smash Bros. itself wasn't enough of a fanservice, Smash Run really drives home that point and will have you saying "Wasn't that the dude from..." every step of the way.

Some of the other new modes include Trophy Rush and Target Blast which have you hitting a giant bomb into numerous floating targets. To be honest, this mode feels like a bit of an Angry Birds ripoff, but it's fun for a few hours nonetheless.

You know... for all of you who dreamed about fighting a giant Goomba with Fox McCloud.

Now, the big draw to Smash Bros. is the basic fighting mode. Although each iteration offers new modes and we love getting that content, chances are, we're not going to be playing that years later. For most of us, the only thing we'll care about in 2018 when the next Smash is announced, is the one-on-ones, free-for-alls and team battles. However, even in this familiar game option, we have quite a bit of freshness. There are now 49 characters to choose from(10 more than its predecessor), 15 of which are newcomers. Being someone who usually plays one or two characters when the newest Smash releases, I was pleasantly surprised to have my attention torn between no less than 10 characters at a time. The fighters span from gaming's biggest icons with Mega Man, Pac Man and Sonic to newer additions such as Pokemon X and Y's Greninja and Fire Emblem: Awakening's Robin, so this Smash certainly isn't short on variety. Unfortunately, some Brawl fighters and even a Melee veteran failed to make the return. Wolf, Snake, Ice Climbers, Lucas, Squirtle and Ivysaur were the unlucky few to get the axe, but might be seen as DLC if Nintendo's decision to release downloadable racer and stage packs are any indication of Smash Bros.' future. Last, but not least, players can create their very own Mii Fighters. These fighters come in 3 varieties and have the same look as the Miis Nintendo fans familiarized themselves with at the start of the Wii's life cycle. This'll give players a chance to really be a part of the battle. However, one of my biggest gripes with the roster comes from the inclusion of these silly little lookalikes.

I understand how it might be interesting to see yourself or your friends or, heck, Elijah Wood as Nintendo showcased in the Mii Fighters reveal, fighting against Nintendo's biggest names, but(to me at least) it feels cheap and out of place. In a game where Nintendo's most lovable characters come together, Miis seem too bland. This is by no means a knock to the idea of Miis mind you. It was a great inclusion that made the Nintendo experience a much more personal one for fans of all ages. But when you have colorful, memorable, beloved icons like Mario, Pikachu and Samus filling the screen at all times, a stick figure-like version of myself is the last thing I want to see on the screen!

Starting roster for the game. Not too shabby although it seems like too many characters to begin with. 

However, the Miis inclusion does bring about a new way to play standard smash battles and that is the customization option. Enabling customization in a match allows Mii fighters to be used and grants all of the fighters an arsenal of moves they didn't normally have. Keep in mind, customizations can only be used while playing with friends, so serious smashers won't have to worry about these custom moves and Miis messing with the game's original feel. I can't commend this enough because not only does it give you more to unlock as custom moves are not automatically received, but it gives everybody a more personal way to play their character. When I found out Mega Man's custom moves were taken straight from other robot masters, my face lit up with joy. To give a few examples, Mario gets a fast fireball that shoots straight, Link gets a giant bomb and Mega Man gets a shuriken to replace the normal metal blade. Familiar characters and newcomers alike are granted a total of 16 optional abilities that can be switched out at will through use of the customization option.

It's in this that Super Smash Bros. for the 3DS and Wii U really separates itself from the rest of the titles. While it might not be everybody's top priority to unlock all of the custom moves, the choice to spice up battles(the meat and potatoes of Smash) in a whole new way is one most people will accept with open arms. However, this additions to how you fight comes at the loss where you fight as Brawl's stage builder mode has been cut from the game. While unfortunate, I do understand the decision as the characters in Smash and how they perform far outweighs the stages.

Speaking of Brawl, one thing many people wanted from SSB4 was a fully functioning online option, something the franchises's third iteration sorely struggled with. If you've played Brawl, you know what I mean. The online not only lagged every chance it got, but had insanely limited options to boot. Thankfully our cries for better online matches have not gone unnoticed-at least...kind of. While one-on-one matches run smoothly for the most part, team battle and free-for-alls do suffer from lag spikes and input delays. Granted, it's an upgrade- but one that doesn't quite feel up to snuff. The real upgrade comes from the amount of activities you can do while online. A betting option will allow players to exponentially raise the amount of gold they have by predicting the outcome of multiple match types. Gold aside, the mode is just plain addictive and has me screaming at my tiny 3DS screen for hours on end when I want to take a break from battles. Conquest mode also gets players involved by pitting fighters against each other on a global scale. For example, the first conquest mode I took part in was Mega Man vs. Mario. Every now and then when I played Mega Man online a banner would momentarily appear on the top of the screen that indicated I was in a conquest match. If I won the match I would receive points toward Mega Man's(my favorite!) overall global rating. During the few days the conquest is up a pie chart shows you how well the two fighters are performing against each other in different parts of the world. While it doesn't win you anything, it is nice to know that the many battles we do is part of a bigger project.

In what world does Mario beat Mega Man?! None, I tell you. None!

There is also a "For Fun" mode and a "For Glory" when it comes to online matches. Basically, if you're the kind of smasher who wants to see the whackiest combination of items and stages and don't care about winning or losing, play For Fun. If you want to be the very best there ever was... and don't care about all the cool new items and stages that can result in your premature demise, play For Glory.

Overall, Super Smash Bros. is an elusive creature that is only seen once with each console release. There's a lot on the line! We want the best experience possible with the most amount of content the game will allow. A fair request from impatient Nintendo fans, no? Super Smash Bros. for the 3DS delivers the new content, creates a better online presence and adds to a roster that was already almost 40 characters large! These enhancements will not go unnoticed by interested buyers, and even though Smash Bros. for the Wii U is coming out in less than two months this handheld title does make for a suitable placeholder. I'll admit, it's not perfect. The controls can become a bit crowded, the online can inexplicably lag and maybe one of your favorite characters still didn't make it into the roster(Damn, you Nintendo! When will Isaac get his time in the sun?!), but it still offers the same experience we've come to expect and love and managed to add a few memorable staples. That's a win in my book. Now excuse me while I get my ass handed to me by some random nine-year old Japanese girl playing Jigglypuff. You know, the one with the pink bow tie on the back of her head.

Super Smash Bros. gets an 8.5 out of 10. who can say no to portable falcon punches?

 

Heart Machine delivers promising preview

Hype is a powerful force. It fuels heated conversation, foretells  joy, excitement, greatness and ushers consumers toward a purchase like moths to the flame. But how often does it mislead the masses and fail to produce on the promises it created in all of the confusion? Some might argue more often than not. One thing's for sure though; nobody wants to play a game that feels nothing like what the countless trailers and gameplay clips showcased. In that, hype can be a dangerous beast where hoards of fans create their hopes and dreams only to be disappointed after a game is firmly within their grasp.

It is with extreme pleasure and utmost disbelief that I tell you Hyper Light Drifter, the new action RPG from Indie developer Heart Machine, does not fall victim to this issue.

I just want to go on the record and let you know that I say disbelief because I have been burned by the hype train more times than I'd like to admit, and there's nothing worse than waiting years for a game only to have it crumble right before your eyes. I'd be lying if I said I didn't fall for the same old song and dance when I saw the first Hyper Light Drifter trailer. But thank the heavens this time it's the real deal! I don't think my little heart could have taken that kind of pain again...

The drifter uses an assortment of weapons to assure safe travels.

This title has been compared to a lot ranging from "Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past" to "Diablo" with the art direction reminiscent of Studio Ghibli's "Nausicaa: of the Valley of the Wind" - comparisons anybody would be giddy to make. But I'm here to say it completely creates it's own immersive, unique feel with the use of gameplay, aesthetics, music and anything else that might make up a video game.

HLD starts off quickly with a title screen that transitions directly into all the fast-paced sword slicey, trigger-happy action seen in the trailers. There is no overarching story to follow or characters that we struggle to remember the names of. It's just smooth, intuitive gameplay from the get go, which feels remarkably personal in its own subtle way. This isn't to say there will be no story, as Heart Machine has given background on the plot, but the playable preview throws you right into the mix collecting weapons, exploring secret passages and figuring out enemy attack patterns.

Movement feels natural and comes in two varieties: walking or a kind of burst dashing that accelerates the protagonist, or "Drifter", with rhythmically timed button pushes. I still haven't fully figured out the dash mechanic, but must say it is a nice way to flank enemies when the numbers aren't quite in your favor. It's also worth mentioning that as the game boots up a message appears to inform players that the game is best played with a controller rather than mouse and keyboard. I played with both and fully agree that the controller feels superior, but both options work just fine. Shooting guns, swordplay and rolling grenades all come as easily as moving. This ease of use allows the players to focus more on the intricate enemy design and environment and less on how to effectively combat foes.

Heart Machine's art department really steals the shows from other indie developers as the pixel art in HLD brings the ever-popular 16-bit style to near perfection.  Ornate designs on stony surfaces tell a story with our imagination, enemies spring to life with a snarl and the drifter begs you to closely travel alongside in the adventure without saying a word; all with the use of tiny, perfectly placed squares! SNES eat your heart out.

Breathtaking doesn't even begin to describe this silently, dangerous world. Calming, yet volatile to a t.

Now, keep in mind, I do realize the irony in this preview being that it is, well... just a preview and one that might build on the hype HLD has already established- but, trust me, it is well deserved. Hyper Light Drifter looks to be everything we could want and then some with a few surprises on top of that.

For anybody interested, the game can be preordered here and the preview that comes with the $25 preorder will be available until Oct. 30. Official release is set for a 2015 as the game was fully funded through it's kickstarter Oct. 12. "Hyper Light Drifter" will be available for PC, PlayStation 4, PlayStation Vita, Ouya, Xbox One and Wii U, and If the kicksterter raises $1,000,000, an SNES "demake" will also be created.

Have fun, fellow drifters!